Qantas International First Lounge, Sydney International Airport

Not good enough to be part of Jordan’s flight club (my vertical leap is about as high as a teenager who was sold lawn trimmings instead of…well, you know).

But lucky enough to piggy back off of my wife’s platinum status to get into a different type of flight club and head into the Qantas International First Lounge inside Sydney International Airport.

The Qantas First Lounge is such an interesting mix of people and emotions. I didn’t go around talking to anyone but you can imagine it’s a mix of excited tourists on the verge of an anticipated holiday, white-collar workers taking advantage of stable wi-fi just before binging Succession on the plane and hard-working Qantas staff watching as the same kid has his sixth can of full-sugar Coke within the hour.

Oh and me, I was there too (in case you were wondering which category I fell into: I was a slightly burnt out white-collar worker looking forward to a holiday that was enjoying his third can of zero-sugar Coke) and about to eat.

Like REALLY eat.

As I nestle into the lifestage that is my mid-30s, there is a philosophy that I consider non-negotiable: magnesium.

Oh and balance, balance is essential. Work diligently, celebrate accordingly. Train to failure, avoid the failure that is Sydney Trains. Zesty yogurt balanced out with chili oil. That’s what Qantas’s Turkish eggs bring to the plate, the eggs are poached beautifully and you just want to soak the accompanying bread until it disintegrates in your hands.

Crunchy, generous amount of corn kernels and three different sauces to dress them up accordingly. Nice, very nice. Special shout out to the bacon as well. I am of course referring to my guy Kevin Bacon, also known in my household as David Lindhagen (all my homies hate David Lindhagen).

Holy moley, I haven’t been this excited about something on paper since the confirmation of my first ever payrise. And to be honest, the omelet was worth way more than me going from minimum wage to still kinda on minimum wage but I can go for medium fries instead of small fries without feeling guilty now.

I would've loved more char siu, but the amount that was on the plate went great with the eggs. But as per usual, iFat wanted egg-xtra.

Best breakfast dish I tried by far. Also the most unique. Who would’ve thought that combining the most underrated Red Rock Deli chip flavour with maple syrup would be a game changing combo?

The Qantas First menu gets refreshed quite often but one of its mainstays is a gua bao with the filling being something that is rotated in and out (not to be confused with In N Out which I haven’t had in over a decade and occasionally dream about).

The first thing you notice is how moist this bao package is, you pick it up and then suddenly your hand is covered in juice (shout out Lizzo). The pulled lamb is tender, the spice is present and the pillowy-soft bao just seals the deal.

Oh look, nood dish! We had to double down on lamb because…well, we didn’t have to but we did because we could. Lamb was quite flavourful, but the noodle dish was only the second best lamb dish of the day because of how awesome the bao was. It’s sort of like Scottie Pippen vs Michael, you’re great, you’re just not the G.O.A.T. (or in this case, the L.A.M.B).

I’m not sure how to set the expectations of someone who’s about to have all of this food for the first time. The most common phrase is “wow, I can’t believe I’m experiencing restaurant quality food in an airport lounge” but I’m a very simple man who ranks a pre-flight McChicken right up there with some of the best meals of my life.

So how can you trust me?

Just like my first boss who gave me his credit card to order just “one” pizza, you can’t fully; you just gotta hope for the best.

I will say overall the food exceeded my expectations, the pork belly again was very tender and the slab presented on the plate was pretty generous (I wonder if I could’ve ordered a naked bao and slapped this in the middle). The crab was also not in-name only, it was also present and around (shout out to my first boss again as he also would’ve said that about me).

I’m a fan of Mr. Perry (apparently no relation to Katy, I checked). I reviewed Burger Project way back when, visited Rockpool multiple times, tried a man bun/ponytail look (disastrous). So I was locked in when I saw that the burger of all of the items on the menu had his name directly attached (the entire menu is a collaboration with Neil but still).

Then, I understood.

This burger is a slapper (ala Will Smith vs Chris Rock).

Great char on the burger, soft bun, salad on the side that you can either peg at the kid going for his seventh full sugar Coke or put in the burger for a bit of veg before you completely ignore dietary balance on your holiday.

Tender, steamed for just the right amount of time and a cheeky handful of Asian greens to soak up some sauce too.

Hell yeah, Qantas. I’ll forgive you for your crappy in-flight headphones.

I was speaking to a chef once about his salt and pepper squid rankings (I am not a serious person but this was a deadly serious conversation).

He said the following:

1. – His own
2. – Palace in Sydney CBD
3. – Golden Century (original location, RIP)
4. – Qantas First Lounge

I thought he was joking but lo and behold. This squid is legitimately awesome. Beautifully seasoned already, the green chili sauce and mayo it comes with on the side elevates it into the clouds. Just a perfect snack (you can order multiple plates and turn it into a full meal, eater discretion is advised).

Here’s the TL;DR for everyone reading this with Fergie’s Glamourous playing in the background:

• – Breakfast of champions would be to get there just before the transition to lunch and hose down the pancakes and some turkish eggs.
• – For the lunch/dinner menu: grab a bao, burger and squid and you’re good to go
• – Don’t actually throw anything at kids who are taking advantage of free soda. Unless they’re your kid, then do what you want. Parenting is hard (or so I’ve heard).