RecipesRecipes ·
Imperfect Recipes
I’ve always wanted to write a book. You’re not going to believe this but publishers haven’t been banging my door down offering me truckloads of money to unleash whatever I have in my mind on the world.
So this year, I took it into my own hands. I took a mini break from writing about other people’s cooking and decided to focus on my own for a bit.
This was never a money-making venture but a goal I wanted to check off my list. I talk about this a little bit in the book but there were a lot of unintended benefits that I enjoyed from writing this. I improved as a cook, I ended up saving a lot of money as I didn’t eat out as much and I made a new best friend named Marty (this is what I call my K-Mart Air Fryer).
The version that’s currently out is unfinished and imperfect (just as I intended). I’ll continue to work on new recipes, features and stories that will eventually be added into it (look out for Imperfect Recipes Vol.2 The Sequel).
Download it HERE and please, please, please send through everything you actually cook, how I can improve the layout (trust me, it’s rough) and anything else you want to add.
The complete original book · 20 recipes
Imperfect Recipes Volume NONE
The original imperfect collection
Introduction
You’re not going to believe this but I haven’t had any formal training when it comes to cooking.
I have 28 years of eating other people’s cooking but apparently that’s not a lot of credibility in the eyes of most critics.
However, as someone that loves food, I couldn’t help but delve into this world when I decided I’d be writing a book. There are only 4, maybe 5, topics I could sit down and crunch out a book about and food was one of them.
So why recipes and maybe not a look back at some of my best food experiences over the year?
Well, maybe because I’m writing the introduction last and the idea about my best food experiences didn’t occur to me until right now...so damn.
Without further ado, here are a collection of my 23 go-to recipes and some stories about said recipes from over the years.
Recipe section
Light-ish
Please note these are light in the sense of being small meals and not healthy. I am not a particularly healthy guy...sorry Mum.
Original recipe
Tortpizza
Crust is Closed
- Prep
- 5 minutes
- Cook
- 5 minutes
- Total
- 10 minutes
Ingredients
Method
- Pour some sugar on me olive oil in a non-stick frying pan after it’s hot.
- Place tortilla in the pan that’s laced with the toppings of your choice
- Put lid on top of frying pan so that the cheese can get a nice melt on.
- After a few minutes (or however long it takes for the cheese to melt a little), flip the tort-pizza and let topping-side up get a bit of love.
- Take off the heat and sprinkle with chilli flakes.
- I guess you could cut it up into slices but I usually proceed to treat it like a slice of toast and stuff it into my mouth with no shame in my game.
Original recipe
Spam & Egg Rolls
Spam you’ll be happy receiving
- Prep
- 5 minutes
- Cook
- 5 minutes
- Total
- 5 minutes
Ingredients
Method
- Fry your spam. Yes, yes you can sub this out for bacon or pork chops but spam is Godlike. Korean spam especially.
- Make your eggs the way you want. Seriously, do whatever you like: fry, scramble, poach, hard boil; it’s all good in Isaac’s hood.
- Halve your rolls and lightly toast. Mix up sriracha and kewpie mayo and spread on to the rolls before throwing the spam and eggs into the mix.
- Finish with some spring onions or lettuce if you really want to.
- Bone Apple Tea
Original recipe
Halloumi & Bacon Salad
Hallou, it’s mi. Kevin Bacon.
- Prep
- 10 minutes
- Cook
- 10 minutes
- Total
- 20 minutes
Ingredients
Method
- Yes, I am also surprised that a salad snuck it’s way into this book. Let’s just get this over with (I imagine this is what was going through Kuno Becker’s head when he had to come back for Goal 3).
- Anywho, cook your bacon the way you like it (crispy is how I prefer it but hey do what you do). Keep your frying pan going.
- Cut up bacon and place with your leaves. It’s time to get cheesy.
- Do you remember the frying pan I advised you to keep going? Throw your cheese in it and cook until golden.
- Flip the halloumi and cook til golden on the other side.
- Throw your honey and oregano in the pan along with squeezing in some lemon juice.
- Slice up your delicious honey-drizzled cheese and add to your bacon salad.
- Eat whilst hot.
Original recipe
Taco ‘bout Breakfast
Egg-cellent way to start the day
- Prep
- 5 minute
- Cook
- 10 minutes
- Total
- 15 minutes
Ingredients
Method
- By now, you’ve probably realised how little cooking versus heating up things that have low margin of error I talk about in this book/PDF/accidental download.
- Anyway, get a bunch of soft tortillas and lightly fry them on both sides so there’s a little bit of colour and put to the side.
- Put your bacon in the frying pan and cook until your desired crispy level and put to the side just like all of those other hopes and dreams you said you’d get around to after you made some decent money before realising you had committed to a career that brought you no joy and made you dread waking up every morning...wait, what was I talking about?
- You know what makes waking up easier? BREAKFAST TACOS!
- Ignore your inner demons and start scrambling your eggs (ideally, you would’ve whisked them thoroughly prior; sorry about the instructions, this is called Imperfect Recipes afterall).
- ‘Acos assemble. Put a bit of sriracha and mayo on your tortillas then layer with the bacon, eggs and topped off with avocado and some more sauce.
- Eat up, and live to fight another day.
Recipe section
Medium
Just like how I order my Value Meals at Macca’s.
Original recipe
Tomato & Eggs
For a r-egg-ular work night
- Prep
- 3 minute
- Cook
- 7 minutes
- Total
- 10 minutes
Ingredients
Method
- Crack a few eggs into a bowl and whisk thoroughly until they’re foaming.
- Scramble them in a medium-hot pan but don’t cook them through.
- Put your eggs to the left, to the left.
- Clean out your pan and throw your canned tomatoes in (fresh is better, but work with what you have, homie).
- Put in sugar, ketchup and lightly season with salt as well.
- Mix and bring to a light simmer before throwing your eggs back in the mix.
- Thoroughly mix your tomato and eggs mixture before serving hot and fresh with some rice and good times.
Original recipe
Wings
This entire book is me winging it
- Prep
- 3 minutes
- Cook
- 15 minutes
- Total
- 18 minutes
Ingredients
Method
- Marinate the wings in all of the seasoning. The baking soda is there as a crisp enhancer as opposed to a coating so you don’t have to be too liberal with it (but hey, you can if you want as well). Put in the fridge, pay some bills, do a little bit of housekeeping.
- Put your wings in your airfryer at 180c for 15 minutes and flip at the halfway point.
- Take wings out and coat liberally with chicken salt before serving.
Original recipe
Chicken Vermicelli Bowl
Bowling, Shane
- Prep
- 5 minutes
- Cook
- 8 minutes
- Total
- 13 minutes
Ingredients
Method
- Go to Woolworths and buy what you don’t already have sitting around the kitchen. Avoid going grocery shopping whilst hungry or you’ll end up with ice cream, nuts, chips, cheese and crackers in there even if you were originally aiming to just buy broccoli.
- Return home and put two vermicelli servings in a large bowl with boiling water. Cover and let cook for 10 minutes, make sure you stir at around the 8 minute mark.
- Whilst your vermicelli is cooking, shred some chicken, rip open the bag of rocket, take the lid off your bamboo, smash your avocado and call your parents for once.
- Drain your vermicelli and throw chicken, bamboo and rocket in there. Season with condiments of choice (I like sriracha and lime; or seasoned dumpling soy sauce if you have it).
- You’re done. Easiest attained noods of your life.
Original recipe
Kimchi Fried Rice
Rice to meet you
- Prep
- 5 minutes
- Cook
- 8 minutes
- Total
- 13 minutes
Ingredients
Method
- Dice your bacon and fry those bad boys up in a frying pan.
- Take bacon out and roast your kimchi with the bacon grease. You could also call it fat, overly fermented and funny smelling if you want to roast it like the kids do in messaging apps these days.
- Take your kimchi out and scramble a couple of eggs.
- Take eggs out and throw in your rice. Throw some soy sauce in there for some colour (even though the kimchi is sure to stain it once you reintroduce it to the pan as well).
- Throw all of your ingredients in the frying pan and stir through. Finish with sesame seeds, shallots and a Michael Jordanesque fist pump for good measure.
Original recipe
Red Steph Curry
Steph Curry with the pot, boy.
- Prep
- 10 minutes
- Cook
- 25 minutes
- Total
- 35 minutes
Ingredients
Method
- Put liberal amounts of curry paste into a pan at medium heat.
- Stir around, sing along to the Drake song coming out of your Google home and add your chicken pieces in.
- Pour in your coconut milk, stir and bring to boil (probably should’ve said this earlier but a pan with a lid is ideal for this recipe).
- Throw in your chopped up vegetables and let simmer for 15 minutes. A good sign of your curry being ready is when the oil starts to rise to the top.
- Speaking of, when will I rise to the top? Am I destined to a life of middle management? Should I just buy a frozen yogurt shop so I can feel like I’m running the show?
- Whoops, sorry. Got distracted. Did you know that franchising a Yogurberry is surprisingly affordable?
- Serve your red curry with assorted vegetables with white rice. If there’s excess curry, freeze that goodness. It’ll be there for a rainy day.
Original recipe
Mum’s Vermicelli
Not Spaghetti
- Prep
- 10 minutes
- Cook
- 10 minutes
- Total
- 20 minutes
Ingredients
Method
- Soak your vermicelli in warm tap water until soft (but not for too long where the noodles get separated).
- Heat non-stick frying pan and throw some oil in there like you’re at a petrol station.
- Lightly fry your lap cheong (be wary of frying for too long as they can burn in high heat) and put aside. Scramble eggs and also put aside when done.
- Throw vermicelli in the pan and start separating the noodles from their clusters. Douse with soy sauce (to taste) whilst constantly stirring noodles through.
- Throw eggs and lap cheong back into the pan with the noodles and give it an almighty toss.
- Take your chopped spring onions and sesame seeds and lace through the dish.
- Plate up and serve!
Original recipe
Fried Dumplings
AKA my Mum thinks I’m dying of starvation
- Prep
- 1 minute
- Cook
- 10 minutes
- Total
- 11 minutes
Ingredients
Method
- Drive to your parents place. I try to visit my parents once a week. It’s the main reason I never bought a washing machine for my flat so that I’d be forced to go back to the old house (and not just because I’m cheap and lack the space in my no-bedroom apartment).
- Help them around the house whether it’s lifting something that’s just a bit too heavy for your dad (but would’ve been a piece of cake for him in his prime as he would say) whilst your mother asks you about what you’ve been eating during the week.
- Throw dirty laundry in the washing machine whilst your Dad insists you take some vegetables and bottles of water back to your place.
- Somehow leave your parents place holding 3 bags of frozen dumplings, 6 avocados as well as mail from places you forgot to fill out a change of address form for.
- Get home, heat pan and coat bottom of frying pan with vegetable oil.
- Make sure pan is smoking hot before putting frozen dumplings in. Pour water in then cover fying pan with lid.
- Let it rock for 5 minutes before cracking open the lid so that the steam is released.
- Fry for another 3-5 minutes until golden brown on the bottom. Prepare your soy sauce during the homerun stretch (I like mixing lemon juice with soy but I’m all for a bit of chilli oil as well).
- Eat whilst hot and text Mum a photo of the plate of dumplings as well just so she knows you’re doing ok.
Original recipe
Hainan Chicken Rice
Hai-Nana, I hope you’re proud
- Prep
- 10 minute
- Cook
- 10 minutes
- Total
- 20 minutes
Ingredients
Method
- During the creation of this book, my rice cooker and I became close like long lost family friends that met each other again as adults and realised they had a million things in common.
- Wash your rice and pour out your water.
- Dice your garlic and ginger and throw it in the water.
- A dash of salt, white pepper and a stick of spring onion should follow the aromatics in shortly afterwards.
- Put your chicken thighs skin down into the water and let your rice cooker bubble away.
- Whilst your rice cooker is doing the real work, slice up some cucumbers.
- Once your rice cooker is done, give it a mix and then scoop some rice up into a bowl so you can form that nice dome shape.
- Slice up a chicken thigh, plate and swerrrrve.
Recipe section
Heavy
I’ve been eating my own meals all day. No wonder I’m heavy.
Original recipe
BBQ Pork
Char Siu for my Cantonese Friends
- Prep
- 5 minute
- Cook
- 18 minutes
- Total
- 25 minutes
Ingredients
Method
- Marinate your slab of pork (I used belly but in hindsight a cut that’s leaner would’ve been ideal. I only needed to screw up twice to learn this lesson).
- Ideally, you would leave your pork in the fridge overnight but 2 hours should be fine if you didn’t manage to plan ahead.
- After chilling with your pork (I do this as I don’t have many friends), put in your air fryer for 18 minutes at 180c and make sure you flip at the halfway point.
- Take out your pork and let it rest for five minutes before slicing and dicing.
Original recipe
Rice Cooker Rice
Rice, rice baby
- Prep
- 10 minute
- Cook
- 10 minutes
- Total
- 20 minutes
Ingredients
Method
- I swear this isn’t just how to cook a rice in a rice cooker.
- Wait, it is. Retract that first step.
- Marinate your chicken in oyster sauce, sugar, soy sauce and chicken bouillon powder and put in the fridge.
- Soak your shitake mushrooms in water for at least 15 minutes.
- Wash your rice and pour out your water.
- Cut up your shallots, ginger, garlic and chinese sausage.
- Take your mushrooms out of the water and slice up.
- Pour your mushroom water into your rice and start layering in the rice cooker. Garlic, ginger, chicken, sausage and mushrooms on top of the rice.
- Turn your rice cooker on and relax on the couch. Go on, you’ve earned it.
- Once your rice cooker is done, open it up and throw the shallots in, break up the tender, tender, chicken tenderloins and mix thoroughly.
- TIme to tuck in.
Original recipe
One Pot Creamy Chicken Pasta
Pasta time with people you love
- Prep
- 10 minutes
- Cook
- 15 minutes
- Total
- 25 minutes
Ingredients
Method
- I like to boil my water in a kettle whilst my pot is getting hot as it saves time.
- Pour boiling water into pot, then add spaghetti/fettucine/angel hair pasta.
- Do a little dance, make a little love.
- Give the pasta 10-12 minutes, pull out a strand to see if it’s ready.
- Once ready, drain and put to the side. Sort of like how you put all of your dreams and goals on hold once you got married.
- Heat olive oil in a pot on medium heat and throw some vampire repellent in there; garlic will do as well. Don’t let the garlic get too brown unless you’re aiming for burnt and bitter garlic.
- Throw your chicken in there. I like thigh meat but can’t really argue with some nice diced breast fillets (they should already be marinated, shame on you if they’re not). Cook on both sides for about 7 minutes, don’t under cook these bad boys.
- Remove chicken, throw spinach in there and let the leaves wilt before throwing some cream in there. I usually go with about 75 ml because I like to let the other flavours shine through but to each their own.
- Season again! Salt, pepper, chicken bullion powder are my go-to condiments at this stage. Bring your creamy mixture to a boil then throw the chicken back in the pot.
- Let’s invite all of the original cast back. Throw the pasta back in, pull some oregano out of nowhere and stir through thoroughly. Chili flakes from out of nowhere also help bring all of this to life.
- You’re done! Hope you didn’t accidentally end up with scrambled eggs following my recipe.
Original recipe
Chorizo Sean Penne
Pasta point of no return
- Prep
- 10 minutes
- Cook
- 25 minutes
- Total
- 35 minutes
Ingredients
Method
- Boil the hell out of 5L aqua in a pot.
- Cook penne and mushrooms in boiling water for 13 minutes.
- Whilst your penne and mushrooms are boiling; chop up your chorizo sausages into bite-size pieces for faster cooking time.
- When pasta and mushrooms is ready, drain and put aside.
- Throw chorizo in the same pot (I really like to minimise the amount of washing I have to do.
- Cook chorizo on both sides for 2.5 minutes each side.
- Throw in spinach, wilt slightly, then make it rain from the can of tomatoes.
- This is where you throw in your oregano, chilli flakes, salt & pepper to taste. The chorizo should provide a nice level of smokiness and saltiness as well but you always need to ensure seasoning is on point.
- Bring your tomato sauce to a boil then re-introduce your pasta and tomato the pot and stir through thoroughly.
- Serve up this pasta dish like you’re in a climactic dance battle of a hip-hop dance movie in the early 2000s.
Original recipe
Adam Lamb-ert
Lamb bam, thank you Mam
- Prep
- 12 minutes
- Cook
- 10 minutes
- Total
- 22 minutes
Ingredients
Method
- Marinate 6x lamb cutlets with salt, pepper, cumin and garlic powder. Make sure to apply seasoning mix to both sides and not ignore one side like my parents ignored my older sister which led to a lifetime of discontent.
- Stare at your potatoes and think about the best way to mash them up.
- Give up and run to KFC to buy some pre-made potato and gravy.
- By now, your lamb cutlets should be ready to be cooked.
- Pan fry lamb cutlets for 3 minutes on each side, season as you go as well.
- Make sure you flip them on the fatty side and let the fat get some nice colouring.
- Put lamb aside and throw the bag of spinach in so that it soaks up that beautiful lamb seasoning and fat. Stir around til wilted.
- Plate up, and dig in!
Original recipe
Black Pepper Beef
We’re beefin’
- Prep
- 20 minute
- Cook
- 15 minutes
- Total
- 35 minutes
Ingredients
Method
- Slice up your porterhouse steak into cubes and marinate with salt, pepper, soy and oyster sauce.
- Put beef in the fridge for 20 minutes, actually, make it 25 so you can watch a full episode of Brooklyn Nine Nine.
- Or, you can dice up the capsicum, onion and mushrooms. It’s really up to how and when you can carve out time to watch your desired amount of TV.
- Ensure your pan is hot and throw in the beef. Don’t cook through completely as we just need a little bit of char at this point (we’ll be adding the beef back into the mix when it comes to the vegetables).
- Put beef aside and throw in your capsicum and onions. Don’t throw mushrooms in there yet.as the water that seeps through turns your stir fry into a boil.
- If you have another pan/pot, cook your mushrooms through and get rid of the excess water. You now have permission to throw them into the veggie mix.
- Now, re-introduce your beef and sizzle through (but don’t overcook your beef) and season throughout.
- Serve (side of rice optional if you’re not Asian, mandatory if you are).
Original recipe
KFC — Kashfield Fried Chicken
Kashfield Fried Chicken
- Prep
- 1 minute
- Cook
- 20 minutes
- Total
- 21 minutes
Ingredients
Method
- This section of the book is arguably the biggest joke section of a book since the King’s Cross Station chapter in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
- Pick out your favourite pieces from Coles Southern Fried Chicken pack (I’m a dark meat kinda guy).
- Put them in an air fryer (KMart for the win) at 200c for 20 minutes and make sure you flip at the halfway point.
- Stare at your gut for a second and acknowledge you need a side salad and hastily use Big Mac Sauce as dressing for some wilting spinach leaves.
- Take chicken out of the air fryer, plate up and think about how you never have to go to the Colonel again (except maybe for their killer potato and gravy that you just can’t replicate at home).
Original recipe
Actual KFC With Rice
With Rice
- Prep
- 3 minutes
- Cook
- 15 minutes
- Total
- 18 minutes
Ingredients
Method
- What’s crazy about this recipe is that it’s probably the third best rice recipe in this book. Insane.
- Wash your rice and keep the ratios the same as you’d usually cook it.
- Pour a few drizzles of soy sauce into your rice and some chicken stock cubes (or if you have stocks of chicken stock then now’s the time to bust it out).
- Dice up some fresh shitake and throw it in there.
- Whilst all of the rice preparation is happening, ask your clone to fry up some bacon and have them throw that in the rice when ready too.
- Once your clone/slave/parental guardian is done with the bacon, ask them kindly to go get some KFC. Drumsticks and thighs are the prefered pieces for this mix and wings are actually the worst (it pains me to write that down).
- Put your chicken pieces on top of your rice mixture and let your rice cooker go to work.
- Once your rice cooker lets out a massive exhale of steam of heat, crack it open and shred your chicken and mix thoroughly (sprinkle some salt and pepper in too).
- Serve hot. Bucket completely optional.
From the original book
What’s Next?
If you’ve made it this far, you are either my girlfriend or someone who literally just skipped to the last page to see if there was anything insightful, practical or useful buried at the end.
Just like with the rest of the book, I am so sorry to have disappointed you.
The journey behind writing and creating this book has been a year-long therapy session as I have unlocked a love for cooking that was previously just a slight crush. In the process of trying to guide people on a culinary journey, I embarked on that journey myself.
There were some stories, features and guest pieces that I unfortunately couldn’t get over the line in time but stay tuned for those to see the light of day soon. Next year, I intend to give this a more thorough edit, maybe get another pair of eyes on it before release and put out another more refined edition.
Still imperfect, but hey, aren’t we all?
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